Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Just a list I made for a project

Things I Hated About The Dark Knight

1. This is not Batman. The REAL Batman is about stopping crime, defeating the bad guys, saving people. This Batman doesn't even want this job; he just wants the city he loves to not be shit anymore because he has a vendetta, not with crime but with the mob. And he just keeps bitching about how Rachel isn't with him, his he needs her and all this bullshit that the real Batman never gave a shit about. He's like a cop that doesn't live for the job when the original source material was defined by Batman living for the job. This isn't the second Batman movie, this is the second Bruce Wayne movie, and this Bruce Wayne sucks.

And this Batman, who is not a detective at all, can't get ahead of Joker for the ENTIRE MOVIE! Many films have something like this, where the good guy finally gets the bad guy in the end after at least an hour and a half of the bad guy eluding him and setting up traps for the good guy to fall into. This Batman, who is sopposed to be one of the smartest people alive, is unable to think outside what the Joker planned, and NEVER SUCCEEDS in his plans when the Joker is involved. Try and stop the Mayor from being shot- Gordon has to take a bullet. Try and protect Harvey Dent while being brought into custody- Gordon stops the Joker. Try and stop Dent and Rachel Dawes from being blown up? Dent gets his face bown to shit and Rachel's dead. Try and stop Joker from blowing up a hospital? The hospital's rubble because Batman just wanted no one to reveal his identity. Try and stop the Joker from blowing up two boats- only succeeding because Joker gave the power to the two boats of people and they JUST COULDN'T blow each other up. Try and save Gordon's family from being shot by Dent- gets shot and stupidly tackles Dent off a building instead of, I donno, throwing a Batarang at his hand? And Dent dies. And Batman, not wanting the Joker to win, has to pretend that he's a villain so Joker, who knows that he won, doesn't get the satisfaction of fucking the city up perminently- but wait, if the entire city hates Batman now, no one wins because their one hero was killed by a vigilante who is now the new bad guy. Mobsters will now continue their businesses without anyone having taken them down, crime will go up and the city will fall into darkness. Fun ending, yeah?

2. The action scenes are VERY SLOPPY! Batman just beats people down while the camera zooms in really close so we can't even see the matrial arts training Christian Bale went through to be able to do these moves, which isn't even appealing to the eye. And all Joker does murder people and blow shit up, I mean he doesn't do anything that feels new after the first hour. Oh wait, but the people had detonators, as if they were going to use them! All I wanted was one scene where Batman just beats up a few mobsters with the camera panned out so we can watch him do what he does best.

3. A movie trying to be realistic is lame.

Here's a plot synopsis without the names: a vigilante dressed in a combat suit with symbols and designs that resemble a bat tries to take out the mob in his city by building a case against them with the help of a leutenant of the police force and a District Attorney, but a psycho in a purple suit with clown facepaint on tries to kill the vigilante, then tries to make the city descend into chaos.

Is this realistic? No? Then why should we try to be? And why is it too unrealistic for a vigilante to beat criminals up using flips and kicks? Can a motorcycle like Batman's 'batpod' really go that fast with tires that big? No. Could Dent still talk perfectly fine with his mouth all half-fucked up, including a lack of left cheek and some of his lips? No. Can cell phones use sonar-like technology to spy on the city? No. Then why is this movie trying to take itself so serously, as if it's in the real world? And if Batman's willing to let Ra's As Gual die in Batman Begins, why can't he just let Joker die? Because their conversation lets Batman find out about Dent, nothing more.

4. The morality of the film is fucking bonkers.

Batman can't decide whether or not to just go for Rachel, someone who is already with another man? And he is able to spy on the entire city with sonar, beat the shit out of Joker in the interrigation room, even toss a mobster off of a building, but just can't kill Joker. Oh, but killing Dent is fine. Speaking of killing: where's his remorse for not saving Ra's Al Gual in the first film? And Harvey Dent, the only real-feeling guy in the entire film, just flips out when Rachel dies and is capable of murder now? The fuck?! And he's not willing to kill Joker either? BECAUSE HIS COIN SAYS NO?! Alfred, he's the only guy in the film who has a straight moral compass, and he's barely ever around. But he then does a horrible thing that would have let Bruce get over Rachel by burning the letter that says she's gonna marry Dent? And the only people who only do heroic things, like Gordon or the people in the boats, are side characters. And the only thing Batman does that's truely heroic, is tell Gordon to act like Batman killed Dent and all the people Dent killed. You don't need to act like you killed Dent because you just did! And does Batman not remember when Rachel Dawes said in the first film that "Justice is about harmony. Revenge is about making yourself feel better." All Batman does is try to make himself feel better in this film, and he ends up looking like the bad guy and failing to do what he wanted!

Now you know a SHIT TON of flaws in the film and why, after the first viewing, you can watch it again and see how horrible a mess it truely is. It's like watching a hot porno scene and finding out after than the chick used to have a dick, then trying to watch it again. It can't be done.

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